Olivia Zedalis

ENG 110

Chad Walls

04/21/23

Implementing Empathy

Empathy can be achieved in school systems through storytelling. We hardly ever see structural changes in school systems because people are naturally resistant to change. If things in society have always been a certain way– even if that way is dysfunctional, it takes a monumental amount of work to change them. The method of storytelling allows students, teachers and schooling staff to effectively put themselves in the lives of one another. This may not only affect the school districts, but it can also be implemented into their everyday lives. Therefore, these shared experiences can create new pathways and ultimately lead to the end of toxic social and structural hierarchies within school districts. I personally have experiences with a lack of empathy within my education.

People have always told me that I am rather empathetic. To this day, I often overhear my mom brag about what a “good baby” I had been. According to her, I would wake up every morning with a bright smile, I rarely threw temper-tantrums, and would frequently comfort crying children at the daycare I attended by offering them hugs. I shared my toys and food without hesitation and would constantly dance around the house, belting songs I adored at the top of my lungs. (Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid was one of my favorites). I had an overwhelming love for the outdoors– no matter if it was boiling hot or pouring rain, my parents claim I was running around barefoot with my younger brother in our wood-sy backyard. I often referred to myself as an artist, and I fit the part as much as a bubbly 5-6 year old could. I would approach my mom, shamelessly covered in chalk, finger-paint, glue, etc. with a new work of art she could add to the severely overcrowded collection that had accumulated on our fridge. 

As I got older, many things changed. My environment, my living space, my family and friends.. I moved three times within a couple years and by the time my family settled down for good, I had been through 5 different schools. Of course, the amount of stress this has on a young child is immeasurable, and I started to lose touch with those key traits of mine. I believe that having to re-establish my friend-groups numerous times sort of forced me to develop a ‘short-cut’ to doing so. I watched the types of girls that always had a lot of friends and began to pick up on their mannerisms. I quieted the bubbly child I was and became someone colder. I recall a music project I worked on in 5th grade– It was meant to be my first ‘real’ presentation. I worked for hours with supervision from my parents, making it look nice and neat. And when everyone was through with giving their presentations, my class received their appropriate scores– all except for one girl, Maddelyn, who was given an F for plagiarism. Now, this was some serious drama for a handful of 5th graders. Everyone was talking about her scandalous project; this came as quite a shock to me, as I had spent so much time and effort on mine. Later that day, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I turned to my friend Brianna and blurted out “Can you believe Maddy cheated?” My blood ran cold as I heard shuffling in one of the stalls.. My first memorable encounter with ‘Instant Karma’. Out walked Maddelyn, her face red and puffy from crying. I turned back to the sink in horror as she rushed out of the bathroom. I will never forget the way Brianna looked at me before leaving as well. In that moment, I wondered why I had said that. I was sick to my stomach just imagining the way Maddy must’ve felt. This changed everything for me, I believe it was the first time I really took a look at myself and decided that I needed to be better. I apologized to Maddelyn and started becoming more conscious of the things I said and how they affected people. I recalled the creative, empathetic and accepting person I had been as a (younger) child, and decided then and there that I was going to be that way again. 

Taking a moment to reflect on my actions in elementary school made me a better person today because it gave me the opportunity to put myself in other people’s positions and reestablish a sense of empathy in my life. Prior to that moment, I had been falling into a routine I adopted that helped me get by in a relatively unstable and ever-changing environment. I had forgotten the person I had been before experiencing the school systems. When I finally took a minute to think about the way I had been going about my life and how that may be affecting others, I made a decision to start doing things differently. 

Unfortunately, kids who might find themselves in the same position as myself might not have had the same earth-shattering realization as I did. There are kids who thrive in these environments– they put others down to seem cool in the eyes of their peers or feel good about themselves because this is the ‘short-cut’ to making friends. This issue is recognized in the school districts as well; systems and tools such as Swap your Lunch Table Day and Buddy Benches are put into place to encourage students to make connections and be friendlier to one another. Take a moment and think back to your own high school experience. Were the kids that were considered popular particularly nice or inclusive? If your experience was similar to mine, the answer is most likely no. Most of the time, these kids are becoming popular at the expense of others without even realizing it. It is a learned behavior that most kids utilize in the dog-eat-dog environment the school systems (perhaps unintentionally) promote. 

These toxic school environments not only make it difficult for the afflicted students to succeed academically, but may even result in long-term mental health disorders. If these types of social conditions were obliterated, I’d imagine that the well-known sense of dread before the start of school each morning (although may not disappear completely) would become less intense. We’d see an increase in attendance, friendlier social interactions among students, and in the long term, an uptick in good grades. If students were more inclusive and willing to reach out to their peers, we might experience more diverse congregations of friends, an increase in naturally empathetic interactions, less bullying situations, and a decrease in circumstances involving threats, fighting and student-derived gun violence. However, I may be over-simplifying this issue. It would be beyond challenging to confront each and every student on an individual level and instill this behavioral change into their lives. This hierarchical cycle is a complex problem that is not only prevalent within schools, but in businesses, competitive sports, social media, politics, etc. It is unfair to expect all children to exhibit empathy and selflessness when our own society thrives on bias, competition, and an unfair ranking system that can only be overcome by rich, white, cis-gendered, heterosexual men– a small fraction of our insanely diverse population.

As hopeless as this may sound, it is important to keep in mind that the solutions to all big issues start with small changes. I’m choosing to focus on our school systems because these early years of development are crucial to determining the way a child will behave as an adult. If cruelty is taught, displayed, and normalized at such a young age, it only makes sense that a young person might come to the conclusion that this is the way things are supposed to be in the ‘real world’ too. Once you reach a certain age, school begins to take on a structure that is absolutely not one size fits all. Some kids may excel, while others struggle and begin to fall behind. This can be caused by numerous factors; learning disabilities, mental health disorders, family issues, etc. Our schooling staff may not be as accommodating to these students as they should be. This may result in kids being placed into ‘lower-level classes’ without anyone looking at the real issue and giving them the necessary tools they need for success. This type of categorization is instilled by the schooling systems, promoting competition and the hierarchical point of view that was discussed earlier. As soon as a student is placed into one of these classes, they are automatically labeled as ‘stupid’ or ‘slow’ by the general mass of the student body. A scientist might claim that this causes a Positive Feedback Loop. For example, a student placed into a ‘lower-level class’ perhaps due to mental health issues is now looked down upon by their peers, which may breed hostility and bullying, which in turn puts further strain on their mental and physical well-being. It wouldn’t be unheard of if a student experiencing these types of circumstances begins to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms such as excessive drug usage, self-harm, etc. 

It is incredibly important to give each and every student the chance to succeed. The hierarchy of class categorization should not be practiced within school districts and more efforts should be exhibited by educators to promote inclusivity and empathy among children– especially from a young age. I was lucky enough to have a mother who taught me how significant it is to put yourself in someone else’s shoes when problems arise. Not all children have these positive role models in their lives– I believe it is up to educators to become this type of influence. 

Children that inflict verbal, mental, and physical cruelty on others should be met with more than a slap on the wrist from authority. Aggression, whether it be on a ‘small’ or large scale, should not be tolerated and overlooked as much as it currently is. Over the past decade or so, creating safe learning environments has become prioritized by an increasing number of schools, but their efforts could be greatly improved. In order to fix the big-picture issue, small changes need to be implemented such as educating schooling staff on social-emotional intelligence and empathizing with students while being less lenient with students accused of bullying or exclusion. If this becomes mandated, in the future, I can picture the entire school system being redesigned to promote a more inclusive and empathetic environment. 

When you’re out and about, it’s not always easy to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and summon any level of empathy for them. We get wrapped up in our own lives, our own daily routines and dilemmas. We often forget to hold some regard in our minds for other people and their own issues as well. When someone displays poor decision-making– for example, they happen to dangerously cut you off in traffic, it isnt likely that your initial thought is ‘I wonder what they’re struggling with in their life that is causing them to act this way’. No, if you’re anything like the vast majority of drivers in the U.S., you get angry. ‘Road Rage’, as they call it, ensues and the ambiance of your car shifts. Your eyes widen as your reflexes (heightened by your dunkin donuts’ coffee) cause you to slam on your brakes. Colorful language is suddenly spewed into the atmosphere like water tossed into a boiling pan of oil. Perhaps you press your palm against your horn and flip a bird or two. They deserved it. After all, they could have caused an accident! Although, as you approach an intersection and the idiot speeds away into oblivion, the occurrence festers. You sit behind your steering wheel, scowling to yourself while a static-y Taylor Swift song plays idly in the background. If it were up to me, I’d call this the typical American morning.

Now, someone practicing empathy might have an entirely different experience. Instinctively, you’ll probably feel that rush of anger which usually follows a ‘close-call.’ But now, you’re aware of this. You recognize your fury and you allow yourself to feel it. I once heard that the part of yourself which gets angry is the part that loves you the most. It’s your fiercest protector, always knowing when you’ve been wronged– often before you’ve even had time to process it yourself. You take a deep breath and let a wave of gratitude wash over you; you’re safe. No one was hurt. And the thought ‘I wonder what caused that person to drive so recklessly’ crosses your mind. Well, maybe they’re late for work with an unforgiving boss. Maybe they’re rushing to bring their sick dog to the vet. Perhaps they’ve received a call from the hospital that this might be their last day to spend with their mother before she passes. Morbid, I know, but it could very well be a reality for someone at any point. And just like that, you’re empathizing with this person. You take another deep breath, listening to Taylor’s advice and ‘Shake It Off’. You have a peaceful journey to work, feeling grateful that you were able to get there on time, that your pets are healthy and happy, and that the loved ones in your life will be around for quite some time. 

When incorporated into your life, empathy can cast a warm and forgiving light on the rough patches you experience. However, getting to this point is not an easy journey for most. Kwame Anthony Appiah (2011) explains in his essay “Making Conversations” that from an evolutionary perspective, our brains are designed to make us fearful of those who are different from ourselves. If I were to sit across the table from a complete stranger, my brain would instinctively recognize all the unfamiliarities about their physical appearance. Gender, hair color/texture, facial features, skin color, the way their body is proportioned, and the way they dress themselves. Dozens of subconscious biases and stereotypes are automatically made before they are even given the chance to say ‘Hello.’ This person is categorized, put into a box, and certain things are expected of them that pertain to the fabricated image that society projects about their traits. And the same thing is happening in the psyche of the person sitting across the table when they look at me. It is difficult to empathize with others when our brains automatically view new people as threats. But there is a way to move past this, and it has a lot to do with changing how we approach others. 

The human experience is deeply complex, and we often aren’t exposed to new ways of life outside of our own inner circle. Therefore, it is quite challenging to picture what a day in the life of a woman in Western Africa or a queer person in North Korea might look like. You might have a vague notion of what challenges they could be facing based on your background knowledge of their countries of origin, but there are hundreds of thousands upon millions of individuals who have their own ideas and ways of living. The key to empathy is not about feeling bad for someone, but relating to them as a human. Looking into the eyes of the stranger across the table, I see just another expression of myself. This isn’t to say that we are the same, but this type of thinking allows me to care for and take an interest in this stranger the same way I would regard my own life. Appiah goes into depth about making this switch; “..we take seriously the value not just of human life, but of particular human lives, which means taking an interest in the practices and beliefs that lend them significance.” (page 69). This concept implies that we have obligations to everyone, a type of ‘Universal Concern’, and respect for their legitimate differences. Not just for the people we are able to sit across from and talk to face-to-face, but for the particular woman in Africa and the individual queer person in North Korea.

To have the ability to pull yourself out of your own experience and take an interest in someone else is a beautiful thing. When we listen to others, we can experience their lives through the art of storytelling. Savage and Vaid elaborate more on this idea in their article “It Gets Better.” They were able to help others relate to people in the LGBTQ community by allowing them to share their own stories on a safe platform. Obviously, this comes with its own challenges. For example, someone with a heavily religious past might not be so keen to listen to a queer person. However, if this individual opened up and was able to hear about what it’s like to be queer in modern day’s society, they might realize that they were once discriminated against for being different, too. Empathy is the glue that binds meaningful relationships together.

Although this person with a religious background might not fully understand the queer person after one conversation, it might’ve helped them conceptualize that all of us exist in the same world together. We all have dreams and aspirations, we all experience grief and hardships, we’re all human: “People pursue happiness in different ways– but we all had so much to be thankful for, and so much to look forward to” (p. 427).

Although there are people that might look or act very similar to one another, everyone is different. A person will find peace when they cease to judge others, and allow them to live the lives they were meant to lead. According to Appiah,  “Whatever our obligations are to others (or theirs to us) they often have the right to go their own way” (p. 70). The next time you find yourself about to cuss out a reckless driver, hopefully there is a moment of clarity amidst the chaos where empathy flows in, and you’re able to stop yourself. You may acknowledge this person as just another human having a particularly stressful morning, and move on. 

Emotional connection isn’t something that can be artificially synthesized. It’s not sold in stores, it’s not something you can find laying on the sidewalk. You can’t order it alongside your burger and fries or add it into your morning coffee. Some would say it’s either there, or it’s not. You either have it with someone, or you don’t… However, I can’t help but ask myself if it’s truly that black or white. Emotional connection is what makes or breaks relationships. It’s the very foundation on which you build connections with people; if it’s not sturdy enough, things will surely crumble to the ground. Though, if it’s nourishing and supportive, there’s simply no telling how fulfilling and magnificent a relationship can become. I’m sure you’re thinking of one or two very special people in your life that you share this type of connection with. These relationships are often described as ‘hard to come by’, and when you find these special people, hold onto them tightly and never let go! And while this may be true, what if I told you that you can build these fulfilling relationships with complete strangers every day? In fact, you already do it all the time– probably without even knowing it. 

Think of a movie or book you really like. Visualize the plot, the characters, the setting. For whatever the reason may be, this particular film or literature resonates with you. You become completely immersed in the story it tells. This is because as humans, our brains have evolved to learn through storytelling. You’ve formed an emotional connection to the characters, relating to them almost as if you’ve lived their ‘lives’ yourself. This is exceptionally useful when bringing socially marginalized people into context. These types of people usually find it hard to relate to others, or to have others relate to them. Storytelling is the perfect answer to bring the ‘outcasts’ into a new light. Jonathan Gottschall, an author who fixates on the power of storytelling in his journal ‘The Science of Storytelling; How Narratives Cut Through Distractions Like Nothing Else’ mentions: “Humans live in a storm of stories. We live in stories all day long, and dream in stories all night long. We communicate through stories and learn from them. We collapse gratefully into stories after a long day at work. Without personal life stories to organize our experience, our own lives would lack coherence and meaning” (para. 1). 

 Quite literally, our lives revolve around stories. Our brains physically cannot tell the difference between a story we are watching/reading/listening to, and something we are actually experiencing in our own life. This is why we sit at the very edge of our seats during suspenseful scenes, flinch during horror films, or cry when our favorite characters get killed. Interesting, right? In his Tedx Talk titled ‘Why Stories Captivate’, Thomas Peuyo explains; “It feels like you were there because your brain activity is the same as the brain activity of the main character. In fact, it was the same brain activity for all of us: you, me… By telling a story, I was able to ‘telepathically’ communicate what was going on in my brain. It’s like pure empathy. All of this brain activity is making stories memorable” (para. 6). 

So, if we can form such strong, immersive connections to fictional characters on the pages of books or flickering screens, we can certainly do the same with the people we physically interact with. By expressing openness to those around us and allowing them to freely share their experiences, our brains naturally put us ‘in their shoes’. Although we didn’t actually experience their story for ourselves, we empathize with them, we learn from them. We relate to them! Even though this person could be vastly different from yourself, for a moment, you share a sense of sameness with them. 

When people unite this way, we often feel compelled to help. Stories have the power to cultivate massive changes, from anything as little as urging people to pick up litter along the streets to stopping the climate crisis altogether. Storytelling unites people, bringing them together to solve present issues; no matter how big or small they may be. Picture the 5th grader discussed at the beginning of this essay. Madelyn’s parents were going through a messy divorce. I, myself, was able to work on my project with my mom and dad.  But she didn’t have the same resources as I did, so as a last minute resort, she copied and pasted several paragraphs off of the internet to use during her presentation. As a result, our music teacher called her out and embarrassed her in front of our entire class. A teacher implementing empathy into their curriculum might’ve waited until she was done presenting and pulled her aside after the class had exited, asking her privately about it. That same teacher might have understood Maddelyn’s circumstances, and instead of adding more pressure and stress onto her shoulders, could’ve offered her some comfort in a great time of need. This alone could have changed Maddelyn’s perspective of school for the rest of her life; turning it from something she begrudgingly had to do, into a safe space where she was allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. 

If you’ve ever experienced a particularly difficult class during your school years, one that you dreaded throughout the day, I’m certain an empathetic teacher/instructor would have flipped it around from a negative light into a positive one. By listening and being there for you as an individual, regardless of your scores, that same class might have been one of your favorites. A teacher who rewards the students with high grades and punishes the ones with lower scores creates the toxic hierarchy within school districts. Eliminating this could open up entirely new worlds for students and teachers alike, creating connections that weren’t always there in the past. Empathy through storytelling is the key, not just for solving issues within school districts for young girls like Maddelyn, but for eradicating social injustice and global crises across the planet. 

  Works Cited

Appiah, Kwame Anthony. “Making Conversation and The Primacy of Practice.” Emerging: Contemporary Readings for Writers, 2nd ed., Bedford/St. Martins, 2010, pp. 66–82.

Glass, I. (2015, April 24). The Incredible Rarity of Changing Your Mind [Review of The Incredible Rarity of Changing Your Mind]. This American Life; WBEZ. https://www.thisamericanlife.org/555/the-incredible-rarity-of-changing-your-mind

Gottschall, Jonathan. “The Science of Storytelling: How Narrative Cuts Through Distraction Like Nothing Else.” Fast Company, 16 Oct. 2013, www.fastcompany.com/3020044/the-science-of-storytelling-how-narrative-cuts-through-distraction.Links to an external site.

Gottschall, Jonathan. “Infecting an Audience: Why Great Stories Spread.” Fast Company, 20 Oct. 2010, www.fastcompany.com/3020046/infecting-an-audience-why-great-stories-spread.Links to an external site.

Pueyo, Tomas, director. Why Stories Captivate. YouTube, Tedx Talks, Feb. 2018, www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUT6GQveD0E.Links to an external site.

Savage, Dan, and Urvashi Vaid. “It Gets Better and Action Makes It Better.” Emerging: Contemporary Readings for Writers, 2nd ed., Bedford/St. Martins, 2010, pp. 426–432.